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Art Buchwald - From the Aging category:
This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday. I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Aging category:
I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Authority category:
If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Books category:
The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Choices category:
It was purely a decision about 'Did I want to stay around or did I want to go? It's one of the few things where you have choice. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Criticism category:
I worship the quicksand he walks in. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Danger category:
The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Depression category:
Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Earth category:
And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: 'Look at this Godawful mess.' (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Eccentricity category:
People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Ego category:
I know it's very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Friendship category:
Every once in a while your world stands still... There are certain friendships that are so important they leave a mark on you long after the person is gone. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Future category:
I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Happiness category:
This is what makes me happy: ...Any music-free restaurant ... A grandson who offers to clean the snow off my driveway and also fix my computer ... An evening in bed with a good book. (My book.) ... A good night's sleep ... As you can see, it doesn't take much to make me happy. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Health category:
When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Health category:
A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Humour category:
It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Imagination category:
You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Importance category:
Over the years I have met a lot of important people, but no one as important as Elvis Presley. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Keys category:
This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys... (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Memory category:
We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Money category:
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Money category:
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Politics category:
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Possessions category:
The best things in life aren't things. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Questions category:
So, 'What's it all about, Alfie?' is my way of saying goodbye. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Sadness category:
If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Taste category:
The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Taste category:
I explained to him I had simple tastes and didn't want anything ostentatious, no matter what it costs. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Technology category:
Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Time category:
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Travel category:
It's easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one. (Art Buchwald)
Art Buchwald - From the Writing category:
Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.' (Art Buchwald)
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