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Phyllis Diller - From the Aging category:
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Aging category:
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Ambition category:
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Anxiety category:
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Beauty category:
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Children category:
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Children category:
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Fame category:
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Frustration category:
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Gender category:
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Gender category:
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Gender category:
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Health category:
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Lines category:
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Money category:
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Money category:
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Pets category:
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Photography category:
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Procrastination category:
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Questions category:
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Repose category:
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Senses category:
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. (Phyllis Diller)
Phyllis Diller - From the Work category:
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? (Phyllis Diller)
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