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Rodney Dangerfield - From the Aging category:
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Business category:
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Difficulty category:
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Drunkenness category:
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Gender category:
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Humour category:
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Mirrors category:
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Pets category:
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Pets category:
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Pets category:
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Rodney Dangerfield - From the Searching category:
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. (Rodney Dangerfield)
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