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Fred Allen - From the Clubs category:
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Commerce category:
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Criticism category:
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Drunkenness category:
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Editing category:
Where were you fellows when the paper was blank? (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Ego category:
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Fame category:
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Fashion category:
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Humanity category:
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Humour category:
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Imitation category:
Imitation is the sincerest form of television. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Journey category:
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Memory category:
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Music category:
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Possessions category:
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Questions category:
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Quotations category:
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Recognition category:
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Technology category:
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. (Fred Allen)
Fred Allen - From the Travel category:
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. (Fred Allen)
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